Never Quit

I fail all the time. I fail at disciplining myself to do the things I love. I fail at staying motivated and kicking procrastination to the curb. I also fail at getting my book sold.

I haven't been getting notifications for my email on my phone for months, and I didn't even notice until today. My ex sent me his "book" to read, and there it was. In my inbox.

Another "Sorry, you're book isn't right for us" email.

Sigh. And I saw it and thought, "I'm not good enough. I give up. I always have some excuse not to right. Oh, life is busy, my sister is moving, my cat is sick, my husband's stupid schedule ..."

Well, I hate excuses. HATE THEM. I get so mad at James when I mention one of the millions of things he should be working on this year, and he starts flapping his jaws about this or that. I hate excuses.

But I use them. And it's time to stop.

This rejection letter had me broken inside, giving up my writing (not that I've been writing at all in the past several months), and wanting to cry ...

I just rushed home, scarfed down dinner quick, and jumped onto my computer eager to write!!!

How? How did I go from being completely depressed that I have no talent to being so motivated to jump right in and keep trying?

I owe it to my ex. I started to read his book he wrote on my phone in the car. I had a couple of hours to wait to pick up my sister from work, so I was reading. This is a guy who is not a writer. I don't think he ever wanted to write or cared to, and pretty much all I've ever heard of him reading are comic books. But he said I inspired him to write. So while I was over here in America making excuses (me, a woman who wants to write for a living, and DAMMIT, I'm good!), he was over in New Zealand writing a book since around last November.

Basically it's a screenplay of my book. He changed it up, it's really fan fiction. And while grammar, format, spelling, everything is just awful, he had some neat ideas in what I've read so far. It inspired me. Got me excited to work on my book again.

I'm about to go work on rewriting my children's book. The one I self-published years ago on Amazon. It needs work, I feel it can be better, and he's given me ideas. With James on graveyards, I've been staying up until about four in the morning or longer each day so I can sleep next to him ... the house is quietest at this time ...

It just makes sense to write while he's at work.

No more excuses.

Here I go.